for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
