if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
