i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
