There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
