last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
