So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize