Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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