i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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