I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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