After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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