fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
