I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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