Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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