Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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