Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
