I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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