i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
