He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
