girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
