Please, let me fuck your mom
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's official drugs can't kill me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
