What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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