In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you traded sex for a burrito?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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