That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
