im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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