is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need moral support for this bender
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
