i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
