just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
