True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think my mom watched the whole time
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dear god my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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