Can i not drive my cunt home
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My penis needs a shock collar
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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