she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
