we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize