I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
