No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
