"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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