first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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