Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
FUCK WHALES
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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