rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
