Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
