She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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