When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize