You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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