I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
