we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize