chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
