Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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