he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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