This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize