afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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