I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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