I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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