you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
