You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
