Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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