What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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