we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
