i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
