Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like death gave me a hand job
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
