i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
