How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize