1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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