I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
