Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
