Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
