I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
