I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize