My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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