I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
