I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
