New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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