i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
