he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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