census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize