My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
