how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
bring money and cleavage
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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