apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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