I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
