I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
