youre lurking in front of me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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