Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
