my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have aggressive nipples.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
