so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
