Please, let me fuck your mom
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize