So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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