i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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