This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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