Apparently you make a good broom.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
