Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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