4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
