If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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