like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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