what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
