One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
