Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
