You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
FUCK WHALES
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
