hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
