I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
