I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
