Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Text me some of your sweat
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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