I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
