I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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