it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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