ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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