Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
