Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
