found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
