he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize