yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
