this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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