Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The uberlube is also flammable
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
