That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
